If you’ve found this blog to read purely about photography I fear you maybe lost and perhaps disappointed. There are some recent candid photos you can flick through at least and some mention of our addictive pastime. If on the other hand, and I know it’s a remote chance, you’ve arrived to read incoherent ramblings from a photographer with occasional photographic references you’ve absolutely smashed it. A warm welcome.
This isn’t one of these ‘I’m lost’ declarations whereby people go off ‘to find themselves’. None of that malarkey, trying everything under the sun only to discover there’s absolutely nothing new under it. We are what we are, it’s okay to call off the search because everything about you is, and always has been, already there. No need to join a monastery or run away to the circus then. Though I did read an article about train drivers this morning, I’d still like to be one, though at my age that particular career choice may have left the station. The circus is out too, since you ask I’m fit enough, but with my legs it’s unimaginable for me to be prancing about a ring in a leotard and pink tights. Grossly unfair to the audience and needlessly scary for those of a nervous disposition.
I’m already leading a life of celibacy and solitude so pointless following a calling to a monastery. Not only that, being an unbeliever is a massive stumbling block. Plus I enjoy good food, a comfortable bed, a glass of wine and a Marlboro. Yes I enjoyed the Sound of Music, but Maria went off with a Captain and his multitude of children. No I’m not doing that, well, only as a last resort. That said, I’d be happy to photograph them running around the Austrian alps and I’ve played the guitar for 50 years which might help, but they’s need to run at a snails pace otherwise I couldn’t focus and furthermore the songs need to be glacial in tempo to avoid me hitting the wrong chords. As you can see from the following photo I’ve just found, believed lost and taken eight years ago, standing still I struggle to manually focus. Yes you’re right, this isn’t a recent shot as stated in my second sentence. This is how we roll here if you didn’t know. It’s a fluid blog, I write whatever comes to my mind and sometimes random photos appear.
I had a sort of lost feeling in Vegas a couple of weeks ago. Not depressing, nor am I depressed. Evidently anyone who goes to Vegas has a ‘lost’ feeling at some point, financially or otherwise. I had a great time with my friend Kev and also met up with local, fellow photographer Dio McLeod for a coffee and walk around Downtown Las Vegas. During the week I found myself thinking a lot about my dad, my mum, friends and past romantic interests that are no longer with us. Happy thoughts, I miss them all. My thought process on living former love interests was concluded with that I’d be happy to have dinner with any of them, I love them in some way, definitely not romantically though. Put it this way: If the entire eight billion population of our planet was wiped out spare them and Captain Von Trapp then romantically I’d go off with the Captain for a couple of verses of Edelweiss as a first preference. Naturally I’d have to fight the others off him to start with, I know what they’re like. All reasonably strong women, though I’m confident I could take them out physically, mentally I’d have my hands full. Anyway, I’m not lost in that sense.
We find our parents, happy days if you had ones like mine. As children the search for friends begins, these are crucially important, they are the light. You eventually find and then lose them due to geographical reasons or because some friends can occasionally become tyrannical. We focus a large portion of our lives looking for a romantic partner. An emotionally exhausting process and at times demoralising, but eventually you find someone or they find you. Pure relief when you call off that particular search with a firm belief that your meticulous and unreasonable search parameters were actually fulfilled. What are the odds? Pretty slim unfortunately, the game of love is rigged, all is seldom what it seems. Just like gambling, you really need to know the strategy before you play. Otherwise you’d be fool to place your money/heart on a game. Let’s leave that, we’ll just say that generally speaking women are romantic, I’m a fool. I never did get the rules and shouldn’t have played.
Far more important are the friends we have, as we get older there becomes less of them. My friend Kev wasn’t at all well when we returned from Vegas, I was deeply worried about him for a week or so. I have people, not very many, we’re counting on two hands here. One of those hands was mutilated during a bizarre agricultural accident so a few fingers left in a bailer. Okay, my hand wasn’t, but I can’t bring myself to type how many actual friends I have. I’m not looking for sympathy here, just saying; I’m an orphan and single parent. Perhaps you can see how I was feeling a little lost when Kev informed me he wasn’t well, I feared I might loose him. Happy to say he’s recovered now.
I’ve been slightly lost photographically speaking too. Arguably I always have been, I hear you, but more so at the moment. I’d like to look at the work from photographers I follow on instagram for some inspiration, 300 or so and they’re almost all active. Alas my timeline is full of adverts and suggested profiles I might like and never will. Facebook is the same. It’ll be Sisyphus/You trying to beat the Zeus/Meta algorithm if you think of posting anything on IG which by the way masquerades as a photo sharing platform. Your work isn’t going to be seen, believe me I’ve looked for it. My friend Jeff Chane-Mouye left years ago and his final presence regards social media was YouTube where he’s recently given up as well. Stuck in the shadows, lost, never to be found, just a little light needed is all. He still has his website, which I’m thinking is the only way to go currently. We’re not looking for applause as photographers, it’s really about being creative, to make something that others might appreciate or have some meaning to them. To connect with likeminded people. To find friends like these two. Heads up, this is from last year. I did warn you.
When you’re doing the same old thing, I’ve been to Vegas at least 30 times, lord knows how many street sessions in Bath I’ve had. You could get it a bit down with the repetitive nature of pounding the same streets. Life could be described the same, we’ll imagine it is. You’ve lost your way, a few twists and turns on the road that you didn’t anticipate. But, and here comes the point of all this. There is always something, always hope, always a positive, light to be found. We’re like an old car, it’s still going alright, admittedly some mornings it doesn’t start very well. You can take your foot off the brake, take a left or right turn, it doesn’t really matter which and hit the throttle to a different destination. The open road, anything is possible. There’s always something new just around the corner. Find something lost and some light in the shadows.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. All images can be opened by clicking on the thumbnails. Not that it matters they were made using a Leica M with Summicron 28mm, one with Noctilux 50mm Lens fitted. I used an Apple keyboard to type it all out.
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