Gamblers are an odd bunch, but then gambling is all about odds. My usual self is neither superstitious or religious. I’m happy to board a plane on Friday 13th, take my seat next to woman in a black pointy hat and her cat, open an umbrella and trust science to get me there safely. I’m generally careful with my money. Okay, they used to call me “Lord of the Rings” due to the engagements, marriages and so forth. Other than that my fiscal policy is one of prudence. I’m honest too; ‘You’re too honest” they cite as one of my many personality flaws. Once in Vegas John Harper version 2.0 is running. At some stage during those flights over the Atlantic something occurs, I’d like to say an upgrade, but really it isn’t. A completely painless process at the time, the agony comes later. The little logic or common sense I did posses is erased along with any rational thought. The new software is installed and running the show now. I don’t want to gamble in a casino, at a card table or machine if I get just the slightest hint of a bad vibe or feel uneasy about how it’s behaved towards me and my money in the past. Not only that, I’m magically bestowed with the gift of foresight, I know when a machine is going to kick out, however my crystal ball has a huge crack in it so it’s quite difficult to read. Video Poker machines become sentient beings that on some inexplicable level I am able to communicate with purely by thought. God receives a lot of mentions. Dollars, and partly because I operate in GBP, become Monopoly money. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but as an example allow me to tell you a couple of stories, one old, one new. The first story I disgraced myself and the second I’m mentioned on the Las Vegas Advisor YouTube channel. I’ll just add some photos from this latest trip to help things along;
At this point we’re having one of those transitions into a dream sequence…cue the wavy lines…and action. We’ve travelled back in time, twenty five years or so. There are five friends in Vegas. Two are no longer with us (quick raise of the Rioja glass; To absent friends). For expenses such as taxis, meals and so forth we would have a kitty. We’d all throw $100 or so into the pot, topped up as necessary during the week and there would be a “Kitty Master” appointed. Someone reliable and trustworthy who can keep track of expenses is the requirement. Every trip it was unanimously decided to be my friend Kev. I’m not sure what that says about the rest of us, we all counted ourselves out, tells you something for sure. We were staying on this occasion at the Golden Nugget, Downtown, Las Vegas. Kev and I were sharing a room, as we did in those days and was a pretty good arrangement on the whole. Primarily because it saved money and we’re always doing something to save a few pennies. Get a bus instead of a cab for example or better still, walk. Save some dollars, no matter the searing heat as we walked miles up the Strip. We’d find vouchers, comps and discounts for dinner all to stem the haemorrhaging of dollars. Ah! The futility of it. Room sharing was also a good option as Kev keeps an unorthodox routine, if I was going to bed at one or two in the morning he’d still be out somewhere gambling and so I could get a little sleep until he arrived back at some stage the next morning. The room was almost used on a shift basis. I say “little sleep” because that’s all you ever did get. Often I’d nod off at three in the morning and wake at six feeling as though I’d been asleep for ten hours. We used to blame the casinos for pumping oxygen into the rooms to keep you awake…as they say; “If you’re snoozing you ain’t loosing” and they really don’t want you snoozing.
We’re about half way through the trip and things aren’t going well on the gambling front. I’m running out of money. I awake at 5:30am, fighting the urge to get up, shower and make my way down to the casino floor. I managed to last out for an hour, during which I ran a full audit on the cash situation, a pointless exercise that took all of 10 seconds. I was going down the tubes, $180 remained to last for three more days. Let’s just put that into perspective. Generally there are three gambling sessions for me: One in the morning, an afternoon session and one in the evening. I usually play cards at the tables in the evening, the morning and afternoon are taken up with the crack cocaine of gambling, AKA Video Poker. Those machines are set into the bars, you can sit there drinking and gambling to oblivion should the mood take you. There is both skill and strategy, it’s not like a slot machine. If you were to lose just $150 per session you can see where that heads after seven days, we need some winners and minimise our losses. I was about to leave the room and Kev arrived: “I’m going out Kev, I have precisely $180 left and battening down the hatches. I’ll be taking it very easy”. His reply: “If you’re going downstairs I expect the rest will be there at some point, take the kitty money, they’ll want breakfast. Here you go. I’m getting some sleep”. No idea why he gave me all of it ($550), breakfast for us all was never going to be more than $100. Perhaps it was some kind of a test? I wandered down to the casino floor with what we call “that Vegasy feeling”. Lightheaded and slightly queazy due to sleep depravation, stressed from the emotional rollercoaster of gambling. There’s only one known cure. A Bloody Mary.
And so I paced around one of the bar areas in the Golden Nugget. No way I was going to buy a Bloody Mary, drinks are “free” if you’re gambling and I’d get that by putting a quick $60 through a Video Poker machine. You can already see that any logic had been left adrift in the middle of the Atlantic. That bar area owed me in any case, I’d win and be able to last the week out. I’d play the dollar Video Poker machines, 5 x minimum bet so essentially $5 a deal. I eyed the machines, oh they thought they were so clever. I picked a winner purely based on the “fact” that I hadn’t played it so far that week. I took my seat and ordered a Bloody Mary from the barman. That $60 went through without touching the sides. Time then for another $60 and another of those “free” Bloody Mary’s. “Come on, be kind, I need the money, you know that. Four Aces and $800 and I’ll leave you alone. Please God”. That was the thought transference aimed at the inanimate machine with just a random generator as a brain. “Holy crap, you piece of…”. Okay my last $40 if I keep $20 back for emergencies. Is it too early for a beer? Nope, it’s Vegas, 7:30am. I ordered a beer. A little bit of a play. For gods-sake. Right, the emergency $20, stick that in. I ordered another beer. A lightbulb moment, albeit one with a dodgy filament; I’ll borrow a couple of hundred dollars from the kitty, return it once this machine kicks out. Sweet, I’m golden. Actually it is far too early for beer. Get a grip. I’ll have another Bloody Mary instead. I do have some standards to uphold.
Let’s fast forward to around 10:30 am. I’d changed back to beers and the remainder of the kitty had somehow vanished. $730 down the pan. At one point the thought transference was “Really. I’ll show you. I’m stronger than you think and not only that I see I’m going to have to teach you a lesson. I’ll just keep pushing in dollars until you chuck out a win”. Now, if those machines actually had a mind they’d simply reply “Whatever. We’ve heard it all before”. Though I felt much better regards that Vegasy feeling (you can read - now drunk) I’d had earlier it soon changed. The boys arrived and reality hit. They discovered that Kev wasn’t there with the kitty and so we’d have breakfast paying for ourselves and reclaim it later from the kitty master. I said nothing, apart from asking one of my friends to sub me $20 for breakfast. Before Kev arrived and had his statutory three hours sleep I toyed briefly with a simple “I lost it”, which would be reasonably honest at least. Could have easily fallen out of my pocket. I decided to come clean. We headed for the Bank of America, I could have gone alone, but felt that somehow I was being carefully watched. Once at the bank a fairly large cash withdrawal was made, kitty repayment plus some to see me through. They actually fingerprinted me before they handed the cash over…the ignominy!
It’s easily done and something I haven’t repeated. I still have a quick morning session on the Video Poker after my photography/coffee walk, that’s on the 25c machines by the way. I also have an evening playing cards at the tables. In the afternoon though we have a change. In order to stem the losses for that session we have come up with an idea, I say we, mostly Kev’s and I call it ‘Kev’s Scam’. Partly because I think he’s skimming off the top. Of course he isn’t, but I like accusing him purely for my own entertainment, believe me he can be trusted explicitly with money and anything else for that matter. The scam part because we think we’re scamming the casino with this strategy, obviously the only people getting scammed are Kev and I. A little bit about the ‘scam’ as it puts the second story into context: Essentially we both put in an amount at the start of the week. We play a bank of Video Poker machines, a set figure is put into each machine and if winning by a predetermined amount on a machine cash out. We’re very strict on that part, something that stupidly happens on your own is that instead of coming off when you’re a little up, or swapping to another machine, you foolishly play it down to nothing. We’re policing and controlling ourselves essentially. As the week goes on it inevitably becomes a shorter afternoon ‘scam’ session. You’re going to lose right? Just minimise those losses and importantly have entertainment along with some fun. It works, generally and at the end of the week we divide what, if any, is left in the “scam”. I’m loosing my audience here and not making the best of jobs explaining. Put simply we start with $750 ($375 each). First day we play five machines each ($75 per machine). Whatever we have at the end carries over to the next day. We have to cash out if a machine hits $95 or obviously higher. Here’s goes with the story, even I’m bored and I love the ‘scam’!
On our last visit in November we chose the El Cortez as an opening venue for the ‘scam’. Good odds are what we’re after, unlike card tables the odds on Video Poker machines aren’t all the same. We’re very careful to examine the pay tables, it makes a difference. Nevertheless, there was a bad time at the El Cortez, it took almost 65% of our opening scam money. That’s not good and unheard of in the ‘scam’ which has been running for at least eight years. The idea is for it to last most of the week. We moved to the Downtown Grand the next afternoon and did exceptionally well, plus it’s a great atmosphere. After your afternoon playing, drinking beer and having a laugh they sell you a Nathans Famous hot dog for $2, that by the way comes with Pabst Blue Ribbon beer included in the price. Man what a bargain and great gesture by them. You can tell I like the Downtown Grand. We stayed there when it was the Lady Luck some 30 years ago. Anyway, there was a lot of discussion before this latest trip. Primarily I was not setting foot in the El Cortez, not a chance. That’s ridiculous to begin with, if I refused to go into any casino I’d lost money in then most of Vegas would be off limits and no point in going in the first place. I would instead be going, and hyped it up quite considerably, to the Downtown Grand. That was the place for the scam.
So, we landed in Vegas, next day and the first afternoon of the ‘Scam’ where are we going? To the El Cortez of course, I did say that Version 2.0 takes over. Kev had discovered that if we presented our airline boarding passes they’d give us $10 of free play. Anything to save some money. We’d play the scam there, couldn’t be as bad surely. Although they don’t actively advertise it the lady behind the desk still took our boarding passes and comped us. It’s a good scheme for them, they get gamblers who have just arrived and flush with money. No point in offering a deal to someone flying home because they’re going to be firstly broke and secondly depressed, therefore bringing down the whole vibe of the place. I received my $10 of free play and because there’s some kind of random amount generated by the computer Kev received $100 free play. Good start and he wisely decided to keep that back for later in the week when we’d no doubt need it. My $10 went straight through as did the majority of our scam money. Another 65% or so hit. That bloody El Cortez. Next day there was no doubt that we’d be playing in the Downtown Grand. We added a little to keep the scam going so we had four goes each. Kev hit a couple of four of a kinds on his first machines and so cashed out winning. I hit four aces which paid out $200 on the second machine I’d chosen to play. That’s pretty good. We were up on the session already and the Downtown Grand was living up to it’s hype. At that point Kev spotted the host of a YouTube channel called the Las Vegas Advisor. Kev is an avid viewer, I’ve never watched it. They’re big supporters of the Downtown Grand and believe it’s the best Downtown casino, I totally agree. Off he went to introduce himself. Meanwhile I played off the odd dollars on my machine so I could cash out at $200. Life is sweet, sometimes you get these moments in Vegas when there’s nowhere you’d rather be. The Budweiser helps possibly. I played a hand and was dealt four to the Royal (jackpot), held those four, pressed the button and there it was. A Royal Flush and $1000. I sat there, sipping my beer awaiting Kev’s return. When he did and started talking about his new best friend I casually pointed to the screen. As it happens the Las Vegas Advisor runs a “Jackpot of the Week” spot and so he went back to his friend who promptly took a photo for his channel. Not a shot of me I might add, clearly the Royal Flush was much more attractive subject matter. If you’re interested here’s the link, he may have embellished the story a little, watch from 19:50 into the video; https://youtu.be/yEjlhndP5Uc?si=g_kvsnbRgLUJyuPW . Here’s a screen shot if you’re not. Please note the “welcome john” and “WIN 4000” means coins. I was playing quarters so 4000 of them.:
There you are. From Zero to Hero in just 25 years. The Scam returned our opening money and paid out a very healthy profit at the end of the week as it went from strength to strength, even notching up a result on the last session in the dreaded, now totally forgiven, El Cortez. I must add that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the El Cortez. It’s a great casino with very friendly staff. This blog is just a gamblers ramble. I’ll be back in there next time for sure. That wraps up the Vegas blog for this time. The next blogs will be my short Barcelona trip and another where I was invited by the organisers to shoot the Funeral for Nature protest/performance by around 250 Red Rebels in Bath. I’ll tell you all about the media scramble. Here’s a preview, one from Barcelona and one from the Funeral for Nature.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. All images can be opened by clicking on the thumbnails and are made using a Leica M with Summicron 28mm Lens fitted.
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